May in Review

|| THE WORDS

what I’ve been writing and some quotes I love

I haven’t written much. I should really get back to writing since I do have a decent amount of free time from now on…
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Quotes:

“Friends always forget those whom fortune forsakes.” – Jane Eyre

Well, just to add up to that, but those friends who forget were never your true friends.

“My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.” Psalm 51:17

||THE ARTS

some artsy things I did

So, drumrolls my dears, I’ve finished my first children book! Hurray! These coming few months I’ll be trying to find a way to publish it so people can start buying it. For now, here’s a photo of the cover.

I’ve also made a sheep costume if that counts as an artsy thing.

|| THE PONDERING

what I’ve been thinking about

- I know I need to process the fact I’m done with high school etc. etc. But I don’t want to. I want to cover them underneath a blanket and shove them into a corner.

- Nothing is too small or big in His eyes, so stop saying that it’s not important in his eyes because He cares.

- He’s going to bring healing.

- Time never waits; it keeps going on and never waits even if I’m not ready.

- So, scary adult world. Hello.

- Am I thrusting too much unwonted information to my friends that are burdening them?

- Seems like everything that’s happening around me is preparing me to leave Beijing more easily…

|| THE SONGS

what music I have been listening to

The Broken Beautiful – Ellie Holcomb

A friend of mine was offering people playlists (If you’re reading this, thank you so much Victoria!! <3), and this is one the songs in that playlist. I found it intriguing since our youth camp’s theme for this year was Beautifully Broken.

New Soul – Yael Naim

Just a cute random song in the playlist my friend made it for me.

Raise a Hallelujah – Bethel Music

This is one of the worship songs we sang during camp. “Raise a Hallelujah, in the presence of my enemy.” May I remember to praise him and cling onto him even in the darkest times.  (Also, I loved this song as well Bigger – Grace Fellowship Church)

Maybe It’s Ok – We Are Messengers

There are so many times people hide their negative emotions or even just the confused feelings, because they fear that it’s not okay to be not okay. But, maybe it’s okay, if we’re not okay.

Walnut Bridge – Dane Hildreth

Okay, so I have this super cool friend, and while we were hanging out the other day, I found out that one of his brothers is an artist who is on Spotify. I have been listening to this one a lot.

Have it All & More Than Friends – Jason Mraz

I was on the flight to Hongkong when I discovered this song. I finished watching a movie and there wasn’t enough time to watch another movie so I was going through the TV… thing. and trying new music. Don’t know why, but for some reason, these two songs fit the vibe on the plane.

|| THE SPARKLES

some small things I’ve been enjoying and the memories

Finishing all the assignments from TPS

Camp – decorating, taking photos, meeting new people. Being a cabin leader for the first time and having an awesome cabin, also being so greatly encouraged by everyone at camp.

Meeting TPS people at youth camp!

AP Calc sucks, but hanging out with my friend afterward? Awesome.

Riding the Ferris wheel in Hongkong.

AP Latin test was okay, but taking it with my online class classmate? Fun. *Wave Emmett if you’re reading this.

Flight getting canceled on my way back to Beijing, not sure if it’s a highlight, but it was an interesting experience.

Sticking cotton balls onto a t-shirt while calling my friend.

Hanging out with Sam at Sanlitun, sitting on the floor randomly to take photos.

Drawing day and night like I’m running out of time.

Grabbing coffee and talking with Joe in the Hutong.

Watching the musical Charlie Brown performed by some of my favorite people.

So. I guess. I’m 18 now.

Holding my children book in my hands and seeing the pure joy it brought other people. Wow.

One last sleepover and late night talks with my girls.

Video call with an awesome human being.

Whew, banking stuff isn’t as scary as I imagined they would be.

Coffee with April and Sarah before haven.

|| THE DOINGS

what I’ve been up to this month

Camp directly following after my school ending, AP tests following directly after camp ended, I didn’t have time to process all my feelings. And when I did have the time, I noticed that I did not want to think nor process them. Even now, whenever I try to process things, my mind refuses to. Overall, a lot of things happened this month and I’m going to try my best to cover it all. Feel free to skip this section, but if you decide to read it through, then hold tight, it’s going to be quite a long reading.

So at the beginning of the month, as I’ve been doing school and trying to survive, with youth camp in the same the weekend as my finals, I needed to finish all the assignments before the weekend, despite they are due the coming Monday.

Right after my last class, I didn’t even have the time to rejoice for my freedom from high school or take a moment to grieve about the end of my high school journey, needing to go for camp decoration that afternoon. Perhaps, that was the healthiest thing, not having the time to think about it.

Camp. This time I attended camp as a cabin leader, and I was a little worried about it. But at the end of the camp I found that my worries were excessive, there weren’t much additional responsibilities as I imagined I would have and when few girls’ moms texted me telling me that they had a great time, I was happy.

Arriving on Friday night and decorating the room with my friends, morning walks in the woods, taking photos of people playing messy games. Getting to talk with a few of my close friends, being encouraged by other people, this camp was a great wrap up to my camp-journey. And I really appreciate all the leaders and students who made this camp great.

After camp, I took the AP Calc, which I most likely failed miserably, (SORRY mom, dad, and Mrs. C!) and then took a flight next day to Hongkong to take another AP. I got to take the test with one of my classmates and it was great to see him in person. 

I don’t remember exactly when, but I made a goal for myself that I will finish a children book before I turn 18. So as soon as I returned from Hongkong, I realized I have exactly a week to finish the remaining illustrations. Even though I doubted whether I could finish the project on time, I pushed myself to do it. And I did finish it a day earlier. It may seem impossible at the moment, but “just start to sing as you tackle the thing that couldn’t be done and you’ll do it!”

During the musical, You're a good man Charlie Brown, (sidetracked, but gosh, guys, you guys did an amazing job, so proud of you all), I remember this line where Charlie Brown says, "Waking up and wondering if anyone would really miss me if I never got out of bed. Then there's the night, too. Lying there and thinking about all the stupid things I've done during the day." While everyone else was laughing at these lines, it felt too relatable for me to laugh about it. Yeah, maybe to the world out there, overthinking individuals tend to look a little silly. haha. 

On my birthday, I remember everyone asking me what I was doing for my birthday and I replied, “Umm eating cake?” And that’s what I did, other than that, my birthday looked like an average Saturday.

I got to have a sleepover with my friends and I made 떡볶이 for the first time for them. We stood up until 3 am, probably not the wisest decision to make, but will we ever have another chance to have sleepover altogether and stay up late? I think not.

This entire month, I’ve been feeling a little weird and numb. I remember telling my friend that maybe, just maybe, it’s okay to be unable to process things...

||THE FUTURE

what I plan (or at least try) to do in the upcoming month

SO JUNE.

My friend’s graduation, last children service with Samuel choir, and the last play with my drama team. After that, it’s officially summer break for me.

I’m visiting Korea for about a week and a half, meeting friends and families there. And even though I should be excited, I don’t feel anything in particular, making me a little concerned. I’m uncertain when would I visit Korea again after this time since I’ll be going off to college this fall.

At the end of June, pretty much all my friends won’t be in Beijing anymore. We’ll all be scattered around the world. The city will be so empty without them. I’m simply trying to remind myself that this not a goodbye but we’ll see each other again soon.